Sunday, July 31, 2011

Day 194: Here to Pump (CLAP) You Up (that was an actual hand clap, not the STD...disgusting)

2011 Total Earnings:  $12,337

Today's Contest:  GNC Power Up Sweeps
Prize:   5 Grand
How to enter:

I've started working out again, so I can wear virtually nothing at the beach (and I've checked that goal off the list several times this summer so far...once even wearing nothing at aahhhhhhllll).  To get a little more protein in my diet, I've given up my lacto-ovo-pescatarian ways for a diet resembling that more of a Velociraptor...remember that scene in Jurasic Park where they lower the live cow into the Velociraptor's cage?  That's basically breakfast for me.

You don't have Atkins bars left??

The results have been considerable...

Saturday, July 30, 2011

Day 193: Wrestling is kinda gay

2011 Total Earnings:  $12,337

Today's Contest:  Edge UFC Contest
Prize: A trip to Las Vegas to se a UFC event
How to enter:

The whole UFC thing (Ultimate Fighting Championship...not to be confused with the UFC Korean restaurant in my hood...Unidentified Flying Chicken), is totally gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gayyyyyyy (high Aflat).

Fancy tribal tattoos: the universal sign for women to know who the safe gays are to dance with at the club

 I have a dirty downloaded video on my computer that pretty much starts like this

1st Prize

Friday, July 29, 2011

Day 192: Picks and Licks

2011 Total Earnings:  $12,337

Today's Contest:  Guitar Center Match em Up Contest
Prize:  100 G
How to Enter:

Put in order the top 10 ways you'd pick out a guitar. If it matches how they ordered them'll win the $100,000 cash and can quit your job  (ok not really feasible), buy an apartment (maybe not quite enough money) ok a third to taxes, pay off most of my debt and at least get a really nice dinner slash probably not even enough left over so let's just order in some Thai.  I'll have the shrimp pad thai...that's $12.95...just make it tofu for God's sake.

Thursday, July 28, 2011

Day 191: Vanilla Nice

2011 Total Earnings:  $12,337

Today's Contest: Listerine Think You know Clean Sweeps
Prize: A year of cleaning services and a $500 Walmart Card
How to Enter:

Listerine is intense.  Like burn my flesh, why is this in my mouth, use primarily after an impromptu rendez-vous with a stranger to kill any lingering germs, intense.  But then I found the Vanilla Mint flavor.  Total game changer.

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Day 190: In the Closet

2011 Total Earnings:  $12,337

Today's contest:  Real Simple/Chase Blue Print Sweepstakes
Prizes:  A $1,000 Closet Make over
How to enter:

Real Simple is a mag which offers readers ways to make life easier every day.  This sweeps offers people a chance to get their closet organized with some snazzy products and professional advice.  I desperately need help in this department.  I lead a life which (i think slash hope slash desperately need to) look put together on the outside.  But I've got piles...which kinda sounds like a medieval disease....but piles like...piles of mail, piles of laundry, piles of half written journals, piles of CDs (just upload the 15 year old Joni Mitchell CD into your computer man!)... piles of unidentified things in my closet that attack me from the top shelf when  I open the door.  I try to manage, I do, honestly I do,  but life happens (and by life I mean lazy)  so sometimes it feels like I am a giant walking through hills and mountains.....mountains of H&M Clothes and unopened credit card bills.

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Day 189: In Between the Sheets

2011 Total Earnings:  $12,237

Today's Contest:  The Company Store 100 GiveAways in 100 Days
Prizes:  It's either a set of sheets or $100....they sent a confusing email.
How to enter:

I actually really need a new set of sheets.  My bedding tends to be of the simple egg shell white variety.  I might think about branching out some if I won a set of freebies though....

For those nostalgics who loved the game Operation

Still in the running to being the loneliest bedding ever

I might be interested if it had Grind'r


Gay marriage lives end.  

Monday, July 25, 2011

Day 188: Come on....

2011 Total Earnings:  $12,337

Today's Contest:  Toys in Babeland Sweeps
Prize:  A $3,200 platinum, diamond studded....vibrator
How to enter:

WHAT. IS. THIS?!  It's outrageous amazing!
It's like a HarryWinston for your who-hah's, lady bits and boy parts.

I was concerned at first that with all the designery accoutrement that it might the fanciest, but not the most comfortable, of toys.  One needs these devices to emulate the Slinky theme song, "It's a wonderful's fun for a girl and a boy."
But upon further inspection, it breaks it down a little more clearly...

VS1 Diamonds – 28 conflict-free stones for a total of .66 carats
  -With the no snag can still be a girl's best friend

Bath Friendly and Waterproof
  -Whether you want to enhance your candle lit bath...or even if there's a downpour in the middle of central park (what are you doing there with this)...this lady can handle it!

   -Happy to explain this to the TSA at the security check point...and the family behind me waiting in line,  that I'm not a terrorist, just a single gay man.

Dimensions – 5.25” x 0.67”
   -It's not the size that matters...but just that you won it, and it's expensive.

For more babe (boy) fun, visit their website:

Sunday, July 24, 2011

Day 187: Who Wants to be a Millionaire

2011 Total Earnings:  $12,337

Today's Contest:  American Express Publishing Sweepstakes
Prize:  One million dollars (holding pinky to my mouth)
How to Enter: Mail in entry that was sent to me in the mail (very Publishers Clearing House)

I think that they want me to buy a magazine here, or something.  I opted NOT to get my two month free subscription to Travel and that would be putting the cart before the horse.  Once I HAVE the mill, then I'll start taking a look at Trav& Leizsh so I can plan how to fall of face of the earth for a while on my travels.  Bali sounds nice, or Argentina....Then again so does anywhere that isn't the hell oven that is NYC right now.  I have these exestetial moments where I feel like I'm melting and I need to check that I'm not a puddle.  And what makes matters worse, is it's practically impossible to look keyyy-uute-skies these days because one finds oneself dripping with sweat.  Perhaps it's about taking a lesson from the hipster caste....not leaving the house until the evening.... and wearing women's shorts.  HE sure looks comfortable.  May be be the shorts.  More likely 3 Klonopin mixed with that Corona.  I'm puttin my money on that.
Beat the heat with booze and pills!
Thanks gay hispterrrrrrr......

Saturday, July 23, 2011

Day 186: Cheerio Amy

2011 Total Earnings:  $12,337

Today's Contest:  Cheerios-Do what you love sweepstakes
Prizes:  You get to select from a long list of what you want to enter for
How to enter:

Today Amy Winehouse was found dead.  It's still unclear as to the circumstance of her death, but with her past history of drug and alcohol abuse, I mean, it's got to be an overdose.  I was really shaken up by this.  It's so sad when anyone is afflicted with the disease of addiction and gets sucked in far too deep to get pulled out.  And Amy Winehouse was such a powerhouse talent.  I loved her work.  She ushered back in a whole new era of smokey, gritty, raw, honest women singers.  
With the Cheerios Sweepstakes sweeps, I elected to donate the money to charity if I won.  I'll find a rehab to give it to, so that one less person needs to suffer from addiction and can find help.

Friday, July 22, 2011

Day 185: Bed Bath and Beyahhhhnd

2011 Total Earnings:  $12,337

Today's Contest:  Bed Bath and Beyond Sweeps
Prizes:  Like a bazillion dollars worth of cash and prizes (actually $91,000)
How to enter:

Here's something that is truly Beyond....

Thursday, July 21, 2011

Day 184: Hot n Depressed Sprinkled with Oreos

2011 Total Earnings:  $12,337

Today's Contest:   Carvel Free Ice Cream Giveaway
Prize:  Coupon for something a la Fudgie the Whale
How to Enter: Like Carvel on Facebook

It's Hot.
I'm hot.
(deep breath)
So I gave in and ate ice cream.
Like. Alot of of ice cream.  Like I bought a flavor of Haagen Dasz, ate half of it, decided I didn't love it, so I bought plain vanilla and a sleeve of oreos and made Blizzards in a bowl.
(stomach distends slightly)
Now I feel sick.
(considers bulimia.  thinks better of it.  considers it again).
And depressed.
(switches TV channel)
And Oprah is on now talking about her struggle with weight loss.

It's all too much.

But somehow I muster up the strength to pose and take a picture of myself in this outcast state.

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Day 183: Homecoming

2011 Total Earnings: $12,337

Today's Contest: Radio Shak free phones for life Sweeps
Prize: 25 G's...or about what they estimate you'll spend on your phones over a lifetime
How to enter:

I came home from out of town work today and found in my mailbox two prizes I've won.  The August issue to my free subscription of OUT magazine and my Bounce dryer bar. S'good day.

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Day 182: Makes Ya Wanna Scream

2011 Total Earnings: $12,237

Today's Contest: Peanut M &Ms reunite M Contest
Prize: 100 G
How to Enter: Find all four M & M characters on the inside of a Peanut M & M package and you're in the money.

Didn't Win.
Also lost the Sally Hansen contest the other day!!!!!!....
I haven't won anything in a while (sans the Bounce dryer sheet thing)!!!!!!
Sometimes this blog thing gets on my nerves!!!!!
Makes me want to Screeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeammmmmmm!!!!!
Instead, I channeled my scream into the M & M's and made 3rd grade level art

Monday, July 18, 2011

Day 181: Turbulence at Southwest

2011 Total Earnings: $12,237

Today's Contest: Princess Cruise Sweepstakes
Prize: Cruise to the Caribbean (with no Southwest involved at all)
How to enter: Online submish here:

LAWD let me never fly Southwest airline again!!!! I’m flying to Chicago for work.
First of all, Seating is like a cruel lottery (not as cruel as the Shirley Jackson story….look it up…scarryyyyyy).

You are hearded like cattle into groups A B and C where you slowly a mooooved onto the plane and get your seat in a first come first serve sitch. Group C…sucks to be you. Middle Seat City.

PS-The plane was late and as soon as the people finished getting off the plane, we were boarded. I don’t know what they did...if anything... to clean the plane inside, but at least give me the illusion that the air waitresses did their clean up job of all the trail mix bags in the seat pockets. Airwaitress...that's what I called her at first "Excuse me Airwaitress..." Then she shot me a look of death and said "It's Flight Attendant."

Then came the great wait on the tarmac. About an hour. With a screaming baby. Neither of these are are admietedly the airline's fault, but I needed to point a big gigantic finger somewhere. And the heat! Sitting in a gigantic tin can with flippers on a black tarmac…we were berrrrled to a medium rare. "Airwairtrees, please a water, or a fan, or some merrl supert." I longed for the days like in the movie Airplane where the kind airwaitress played "There is only one river" to assuage the nerves of that young girl on the drip. Sure she nearly killed her with her overzealous playing by knocking out the tubbing, but her intentions were pure.

Oh, and you can’t line up to use the front bathroom…because of 9/11 attacks...they think you're going to bang down the cockpit door. So you have to wait until that lavatory (gross word) sign goes green then make a mad, forceful dash from your seat, pushing out any old Latina lady in your way.

Cut to the guy infront of my masked like a white rapper from 1991 slash. He was a little cray cray slash on coke...swaying back and forth like a jihadist.

Did I mention the baby screamed for an hour? In my head I invented a sleeping compartment for screaming babies…something that involves chloroform whisky on the gums and a sound proof shield.

Drink orders arrived. The woman next to me got cans of soda. I just got a cup. Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmm??????
Sure I could ask for a can, but this rage that I’m digesting tastes much better than the honey roasted peanuts from 1987 they gave out.

As we landed (which was totally painful slash frightening) the abnoxsh teenage girl who was fighting with her mom the whole plan ride, and making oragami out of dollar bills opened her mouth ever so slightly...
Worst. Planeride. Ever.

-Totes, betch.

Sunday, July 17, 2011

Day 180: Saiiiiling takes me away to where I want to blah blah blah (sung a la Christopher Cross)

Blogging on the new jersey train from asbury park back to nyc. On my phone. Makes shit tricky.
I entered a contest today yo win a boat.
(cue the christopher cross again....) saiiiiling takes me away to
where I long to blah blah blah.

the jersey shore has saiiiiling.... And parasailing...which looked amaze. I think she'll try that next time shes out there

Saturday, July 16, 2011

Day 179: Dancing Queen

2011 Total Earnings:  $12,337

Today's Contest:  AT&T Tips for a Carefree Summer Sweeps
Prize:  Cold hard cash for a hot summer
How to Enter:

She (ie me) spent this particular summer night on the Jersey Shore, dancing in a joint called Paradise at the Empress hotel.
A little trash.  A little flash.  And a guy who dunked the upper half of his body in the pool to cool off..or kill himself...we weren't quite sure as security pulled him out.  Ahhhhh,  Joisey.

To make your reservations at the Empress, or for a police report on that guy who dunked his head:

Friday, July 15, 2011

Day 178: Bearly survived my trip

2011 Total Earnings: $12,337

Today's Contest:  Passport Visa: Best Summer Vacation Ever
Prize:  $300 Travelocity Gift Card
How to Enter:  Sumbit your fave summer vacation story and upload pics

I wrote in about my Vancouver trip.  I mentioned that I saw a black bear coming down Blackcomb Mountina.  Here's a pic.
I call this "Nike and Black Bear"

I was admittedly scared and a little titillated (can't. believe. I. just. used. that. word.) when I saw the bear.  They are scares-ville.  I guess I was a little nervous that I'm might be attacked (that is if I fell of the ski lift like an a#$hole).

In case of a bear attack, one can:

Try reasoning with them...

Attempt traditional street fighting tactics...

Just make friends... 

Thursday, July 14, 2011

Day 177: What's my pussy thinking?

2011 Total Earnings:  $12,337

Today's Contest: Temptations Cat Treats Sweepstakes
Prize:  A psychic reading for your cat by animal psychic Sonya Fitzpatrick 
How to enter:  Upload a pic of your puss on FB.  Sonya will pick the winner:

This Sonya.  I'm kinda living for her  Golden Girls meets Dr. Evil look. 
For more on her psychic abilities, animal activism, and kimono collection check out:

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Day 176: Thrill(ist), Chill(ist), and Spills(ist)

2011 Total Earnings:  $12,337

Today's Contest: Summer Sweepstakes
Prize:  A weekend long bash at their hotel in LA
How to Enter:

I signed up to get emails from approximately a bazillion years ago... in the era when I had a hotmail account.  It's one of those social outing, here's what's hip motifs.   They send a lot of updates, and I've been neglecting them of late.  I get about 18,000 emails a day and have to sift through what's relevant, work related, or ego boosting from comments I receive on my Facebook postings.
But revisiting one of their emails today, I remember now why I signed up to get their stuff in the first place.  They are offering some pretty cool goings on and sweet contests.  They did a whole profile some cray cray art by Alvaro Tapia.   His stuff is like if pop culture and creepy had a love child.
Luhhhhhhhves iiiiiiiiiiit.

More on Tapia:

Sign up for Thrillist:

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Day 175: No Tees Till Brooklyn

2011 Total Earnings:  $12,337

Today' Contest:  Brooklyn Industries Customer Survey
Prize:  $500 store gift card
How to Enter:  Fill out (a seemingly unending) online survey about your shopping habits at:

BKI has some cute things...mmmm....some of the time.  A sweatshirt here, a graphic tee there, but most of the time I walk out of the store empty handed, being like, "Waiiiiit, don't I love that store????....hmmmmm....  I'm confuuuuuuuused!" (last word sung there)

Here's a preview of one of their fall looks....
I'm liking the whole package.

I'll take the pants, 
and the shirt,
...right off of him.

For more fall looks, and models I wish I could...creative direct....check out their website

Day 174: Ketchup Kuteness

2011 Total Earnings:  $12,337

Today's Contest:  Heinz Ketchup Sustainability Sweeps
Prizes:  Eco Cars, Eco Vacays
How to enter:

I'm not always the biggest fan of ketchup...more of a mustard fan.  But if you swirl around some mayo in said ketchup and then dump that on a trough of fries by me...we will be fast friends, and by fast I mean like you need to be physcially fast or I will chew your hand off while you try to eat the last fries.  GIVE THAT TO MEEEEEEEE!!!!  Preciousssssss........

I love at certain places, they'll have those tiny Heinz ketchups.  I don't know what it is about these things, but they are irresistably cute.  Like I want put it in my man purse, take it home with me and take care of it, cute... a tiny ketchup baby.

And the only thing cuter than a tiny ketchup baby, is an actual tiny baby.  

And the only thing cuter than that, is an actual tiny baby in a tiny ketchup baby.

Sunday, July 10, 2011

Day 173: Caffi-Nation

2011 Total Earnings:  $12,337

Today's Contest:  The Coffee Store Sweepstakes
Prize: A month supply of their Maui coffee
How to Enter:

I'm exhaust-pipe today from my Seattle - NYC redeye.  I need about 18 thousand naps and an intravenous drip of coffee to feel like myself again....

so I can go from this...

to thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis...

Saturday, July 9, 2011

Day 172: On the Road Again

2011 Total Earnings:  $12,337

Today's Contest:  Filter Magazine Summer Sweepstakes
Prize: A suh-weet custom made bike
How to enter:

I'm on the move again.  Traveling from Vancouver to Seattle and back to NYC today.  This trip has been amazing.  And tonight I'm going to one of the greatest restaurants  in Seattle called Serious Pie. ....which has amAHzing pizza.  Not to mention a chocolate bodino...which is a thick chocolate mousse with sea salt and olive oil.  WHUUUUUT?!   She has been OFF her carb free diet this last week in she'll need to win this Filter bike to work it off.  But not before she consumes enough carbs and desserts tonight for a small nation.

Day 171: Fear and Loathing in Philedelphia

2011 Total Earnings:  $12,337

Today's Contest:  Fear Net Sweepstakes
Prize:  Trip to Philly to visit a State Penitentiary
How to enter:

I am trying to understand this contest. Somehow it eludes me.

Friday, July 8, 2011

Day 170: Sour Puss

(we haven't won in a while, so I'm adding an exclamation point there)
Approximate Retail Value:  $40
Brining my 2011 Total Earnings to...

Today's Contest:  Sour Patch Kids: One Million Dollar Challenge Instant Win Sweepstakes
Prize:  Maydge Cash.  Maydge Prizes.
How to enter:

I love a Sour Patch Kid.
But-skees, too many can be tres dangerouse.  They can make a mouth get all puckery.

In a matter of moments and one too many hand fulls, she can go from this...

To this...

Thursday, July 7, 2011

Day 169: Mooning You

2011 Total Earnings:  $12,297

Today's Contest:  Mekhong Spirit of Thailand Sweepstakes
Prize:  Trip for 4 to a full moon party in Thailand
How to enter:

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Day 168: Legal Wreck

2011 Total Earnings:  $12,297

Today's Contest:  USA Network:  Suits Legal Life Sweeps
Prize: 125 grand
How to enter:

Legal issues can be a li'l vague here in VanCougar BC.  From clothing to drugs, it's a weee bit gray-ish.
I visited Wreck beach today.  The place is amazeballs...heavy on the word's a clothing optional beach.  But for the first time in my life-skees, this is a place where you kinda actually want to see some of the folks the way mutha naycha made them.
Not only that, but you've got some of these same (most attractive) naked folk are selling semi-questionable goodies.  Like hotdog vendors at a baseball game, you've  got a sexy sarong clad guy calling out, "Ganga goodies...satisfy you soul with a cannabis treat".   Another (admittedly less sexy fella) is walking around in just a camo jacket kinda sorta whisper/yelling, "Magic Mushrooms...I've got Magic Mushrooms".  One wonders if he is an actual vendor or is just really high.
Better believe I'm going back tomorrow...cuz I think it's healthy to be by the ocean when ever I can be.

Monday, July 4, 2011

Day 167: Ah Wilderness

2011 Total Earnings:  $12,297

Today's Contest: Blue Wilderness:  The Wilderness Inside Sweepstakes
Prize:  Trip To Alaska
How to Enter:

I'm visiting Vancouver, Canada this week.  I just got here today.  It's incredibly beautiful and serene.  There's such a gorgeous balance between urban life and nature. The mountains hug and surround the city like an older sister holding you close in her arms.  I'll be climbing one of those mountains this week with my friend.  Apparently there are black bears up there....different than the ones in NYC.