Monday, January 24, 2011

Day 8: MasterDater

2011 Contest Winnings so far:  $1,625

Today’s Contest: Sweepstakes
Prizes:  A menagerie of odds and ends …I’m specifically entering for the Diamondback Recoil Full Suspension Mountain Bike. 
How To enter:  It's yet another sweepstakes.  So, ya just go to their website and plug in your info.

Background: is a website which offers “Everything you need to know about dating”.  Upon further inspection, this statement is very debatable.  They have tips on how to get yourself a man, keep him interested, marry him and how to save that marriage when you clearly didn’t pay good enough attention to the ‘keeping him interested’ part. 

I'm suspicious of tip # 9 on how to attract a guy:
Develop a fun and vibrant personality. With a personality such as this, it is easy for you to stand out in a crowd and enable guys to notice you.

What does this mean exactly?  Like get a Julia Roberts laugh and sparkle like a Liza Minnelli pants suit?

I wouldn't mind this so much, oh, IF it wasn't in direct conflict with your #1 tip:
There is probably nothing that attracts a guy towards a girl more than her genuine self.

What am I supposed to do here?  With this kind of conflicting information, a lady like me is libel to go through her entire closet, asking
 "Who am I anyway?????" and find NOTHING that fits/feels right/isn't old/she likes...and end up canceling the date, and instead watch TV and eat a pint of Haagen Dazs.

Equally as bizzaro as their advice are the prizes that they are giving away.

Like the bike I chose to win.  Just one? Not a pair?  
But if I had two I could take my date on a bike ride.  
I guess having just one is good for the future in those moments when you're like "It's not that I need time away from YOU, I just need time with ME."

PTSD (Post Traumatic Serial Dating)
There’s a whole slew of dating sites.  I’m on a couple.   Haven’t had too much success.  They have everything from the ‘cast a wide net’ ones like and to the more specific like JDate, And Women Behind  

My mom is getting married in June to a man named Larry.  We like him.  She met him on…the news of her engagement prompted the single women in my office to windsprint from my desk like a pack of Jackie Joyner Kersees to go sign up on that site.

It’s going to be a Jewish wedding.   We’re not Jewish, but Larry is, so no biggie, whatevs.  I happened to be raised in Glencoe, Illinois which is like little Israel.  I went to every Bar & Bat Mitzvah in town, and all of my friends growing up either had a color in their name (Silver, Gold, Green) or a Stein..or both..heyyy Joanne Greenstein...Shalomskiiis.  And yet with all this.. I have never attended a full on Jewish wedding.  

My mom asked if I would want to sing.  I don’t know what one sings at a Jewish wedding.  But,  since it’s probably a little scandalous that Larry’s marrying a shiksa (ie my mom), I’ll echo that sentiment and be a little untradish myself.   The cermony ends, they step on the napkin covered glass, and I come out in bobbed wig, white mink and several costume changes....

What’s new Pussycat?  
On Another wedding note, today at Ollie’s Place, a no-kill shelter on East 26th street, they held the first same sex marriage between two male casts…Solomon and Bruno.  They did it so that the two fellas wouldn’t be split up between homes.  Awwwww....My heart goes out to the happy couple.  They are accepting gifts on their wedding registry page:

Meow-zel Tov!

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